By this point they really should rename this Burt Gummer 6. Michael Gross plays him once again as he ditches his IRS troubles at home to help Valarie (Jamie-Lee Money) in the Canadian Arctic. “Think of the adventure, this could be a whole new ball game” she’s says… is she right? Burt’s up for it, along with his long lost son Travis (Jamie Kennedy) who annoyingly is present again. Offspring are a theme here, Valarie is supposedly the daughter of Val and Rhonda from the original 1990 film. This isn’t an important detail (details aren’t a strong point in these films), but its explanation as to why she’s so knowledgeable about Graboids. As we find ourselves at an Arctic research centre, the theories as to why our monster friends are there vary from them being awakened by global warming (oddly plausible) to them being secretly weaponised by a shady US program, more likely in Burt Gummer world. What is certain is that Burt’s on borrowed time. It seems an encounter from an earlier film has left him infected and the only solution is to capture a Graboid to extract an antibody. Game on, with bonkers plans, cheesy one liners , insane slow motion CGI action and guns, lots and lots of guns being shot to a desert rawk hillbilly soundtrack. Let’s not get hung up on the lack of ice in pretty much every shot, making a mockery of the title or the atrocious acting right across the board, or the implausibility of the finale. It’s exactly the same as every other sequel in this franchise, Burt says “It’s not about me” as he struggles with infection, but it is isn’t it. It knows it’s switch your brain off action drivel, but that doesn’t mean it’s good at it. The characters just don’t have enough meat on the bone to sustain this to six films… let alone seven. I’m actually shocked at this point that people keep signing on for these things.
3/10
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